Drop Heavy Burdens: How Letting Go Can Make You Free

Personal Story

I have been feeling an incredible burden in the recent years. It's as if I am constantly crushed under the weight of what is right and what needs to be done.

This has been the case since I was young, but the burden has only increased as I have grown older. My life has been filled with a never-ending list of expectations that I can't overcome no matter how much I try.

From getting into a good school, to finding a good job, to succeeding in that job, to having a lot of friends, to making good money, to finding a beautiful spouse, to getting promoted, to staying healthy, and many more expectations.

But why? Who determines all of these expectations, all of these "rights"?

I was feeling like I’m not enough and could never be enough.

I felt overwhelmed by those emotions. I made an effort every day, but the more I tried, the more tired I became.

There were small joys that came with success. Sometimes I forgot my burdens.

However, these small satisfactions were short-lived and felt like a form of consolation. A voice inside me whispered that I wasn't on the right path. Still, I kept going.

As time passed, my expectations didn't decrease, nor did my exhaustion. I pushed myself to the very end, until one day, I ran out of steam.

I found myself on the ground, with no desire or energy to do anything. I was crushed under all the burdens I had been trying to carry. I remained like that for a while.

I didn't understand what was happening. I just wanted to stop and rest. For the first time in my life, I left everything behind without thinking about the end.

I wanted to clear the fog in my head and my life, but I had no strength left. I left to gather energy and gain perspective.

Initially, I felt lost and directionless, as if floating in a void. Then, a surge of anger and sadness washed over me.

My inner world reacted strongly to everything. It started speaking like a person who had been silenced for a long time. It released everything that had been accumulated over the years.

For a while, I simply listened myself.

That's when I began to understand where all these burdens came from, what I was crushed under, and why I had these burdens.

The answer was always in front of me. I had never had the courage to look up and see. My eyes were closed with fear and prejudiced thoughts.

When I left everything behind, I started to see.

I don’t want to blame anyone. I’m taking full responsibility here. However, it was society that closed my eyes in the beginning. The understandings, truths, and fears that were constantly expressed in school, work, and among friends were etched into my mind over time.

I thought they were my own thoughts. I took on the burdens they brought and carried them to be accepted by society.

However, it was time to let go.

Maybe it was my age, or maybe it was exhaustion that triggered it. Regardless, I was ready to question the biases in my mind.

I had hundreds of thoughts and perceptions. As I reflected and observed myself, I understood the ones that weighed on me the most.

Worthlessness

The first thought that came up was feeling worthless. In my heart, I believed that I didn't deserve success, happiness, peace, or joy. That's why I was unknowingly sabotaging myself and couldn't fully enjoy the good things in life.

However, we all deserve these things from birth. We don't need to prove ourselves. Unfortunately, due to the influence of family, society, and friends as we grow up, we unknowingly start to believe otherwise. We often seek approval because it can feel like our worth depends on the acceptance we receive from others.

In reality, what we need is our own internal approval.

Success

This made me think about what success really means. I used to think that success was about having a nice house, a car, maybe a attractive partner, and being respected or approved of. However, what defines success can vary from person to person. It was something different for me.

Success was related to how much freedom I had, how peaceful I could be, and how much meaning I could give to what I did. You can define this concept based on how well you know yourself.

In the past, society told me what to do because I couldn't decide for myself. It gave me certain roles to follow, and I accepted them.

It's not necessarily bad to follow society's guidance. Mindlessly accepting it without questioning and living in accordance with it is not correct.

When you depend on society's approval and your social standing, your identity becomes tied to your status. When you lose your status within society, it can be scary. For instance, when we lose our job, we may feel this way. As if we have no worth in society. If we rely too much on our social standing, we might start to believe that our existence is solely based on our status. We do everything to protect it, even though it is not our true identity.

Most of the time, our statuses don't match with who we really are. It makes us unhappy. We want something more, but we don't know what to do or what else to try. We tell ourselves that we would be happy if we have more. We go after things that only make us temporarily satisfied. However,

Inadequacy

One significant bias that has affected me was the feeling of inadequacy. I used to believe that;

• I was not capable of achieving my goals.
• I need luck or a miracle to be successful.

It prevented me from even attempting them.

I didn't ask: who decides what is considered enough? And based on what?

Actually, only I can understand and evaluate my own adequacy. Also, we will never find ourselves in an ideal situation or position. We will learn as we go.

So, we don't have to be perfect or highly qualified to start. We just need to start sometimes.

I decided to ignore my belief in not being good enough. I focused my energy on trying and learning because the past doesn't determine the future.

As I took action, new opportunities came up, and I let go of the intangible connections to inadequacy.

Limitation

I held a prejudice closely associated with feelings of inadequacy: limitation. I believed that I lacked sufficient opportunities or that my current circumstances were unsuitable.

• "I don't have enough time.”
• “I don't have enough money.”
• “I don't have enough knowledge."

The idea that life is limiting me.

The problem is that we limit ourselves to what we already know or have. We believe that those ones are our only resource. In doing so, we close the doors to opportunities.

However, when you really want something and do your best, unexpected paths open up and opportunities arise.

I realized that life is much bigger than I thought. My mind and my perception can only comprehend very small part of life. There are many parameters in this universe that I can’t understand.

Now I believe that if we want something enough, there are enough opportunities. They will be created over time.

Perfectionism

In my twenties, the internet and social media added a heavy burden to my life.

Perhaps you have also experienced this. In fact, you may still be going through it. I have been influenced by the seemingly perfect lives portrayed on social media.

There were many "should" and "must" sentences. (I should exercise, I must eat healthy, I must be successful, I should travel, etc.)

I had created an ideal image in my mind that I felt compelled to achieve. Otherwise, I believed I wouldn't be accepted.

Over the years, this pressure weighed heavily on me. Eventually, I started feeling angry, scared, and blamed myself. Sometimes, I even felt ashamed because I couldn't be perfect.

I was chasing something impossible. I couldn't see it because I was too consumed by this obsession with perfection. As a result, I lost touch with life and my sense of reality.

In reality, it is very simple. We don't need perfection. On the contrary, embracing our authentic flaws and unique differences is a beautiful thing. They are what make us who we are.

Control

I became exhausted and unable to carry all of life's burdens. This was clear evidence that I couldn't control my life.

Even though I knew this, I still tried to control everything. I wanted to plan everything and predict what would happen. I was scared and wanted to keep myself safe. But we can't control life. We can't even control our own thoughts. Yet, I still tried.

Over time, the weight of it became unbearable. It was killing the joy of life and the beauty of spontaneity. Everything became a task. Every problem, setback, and difference was scary.

It was difficult, but I had to let go of this need for control. I needed to trust life more.

I still plan some things, but I've accepted that everything can change from the beginning.

Now, I feel better. I'm not implying that everything is flawless now. This is a continuous process. I will always reflect on myself and release those burdens occasionally throughout my entire life.

Most of the time, what weighs us down the most are our fears, thoughts, and beliefs. It's a cycle we often don't even realize we're stuck in, and when I say "letting go," I mean breaking free from this cycle.

Of course, this cycle isn't limited to the topics I'm discussing here. Each of us weaves our own unique cycle involving biases, thoughts, habits, people, places, and much more. Letting go involves many things.

If you want to know how to let go, the first step is to see and understand. That's why I wrote this. I thought I could show you something, maybe even inspire you to see and understand more.

Because once we understand, we can recognize and break free from this pattern. Then we can let go.

Questions

When I think about letting go of burdens that I've carried for a long time, many questions come to my mind. These questions are powerful.

I pondered these questions as I uncovered my biases. Maybe you've pondered the same questions occasionally, or perhaps they've never crossed your mind.

Either way, here is a list of questions related to this month's theme:

Worthlessness

• Do I feel worthless? When I feel worthless, why do I feel this way? What are the thoughts and situations that make me feel worthless?

Success

• What does success mean to me? How successful do I feel?

Sufficiency

• What criteria do I use to feel sufficient? Are these criteria realistic?

Restriction

• Do I feel restricted in any way? Why do I feel restricted? What thoughts and beliefs limit me? What can I do to feel more free?

Perfectionism

• Do I have a perfectionist mindset?
• Are there areas of my life where I am seeking perfection at the expense of my own well-being or happiness? (For example, am I putting too much pressure on myself to be perfect in my career or personal life, and neglecting my own mental health and self-care?)

Control

• Do I afraid of losing control? How does this fear affect me? What strategies can I use instead of trying to control everything? How uncomfortable do I feel when I lose control and why?

Letting Go

• Are there aspects of my life that I am holding onto out of fear or habit, rather than because they truly serve me? (For instance, am I holding onto a job that doesn't make me happy because it pays well or because it is what my family expects of me?)
• How could I simplify my life and let go of things that no longer bring me joy or fulfillment? Could I focus on the things that truly matter to me?
• What would it feel like to live with more freedom and less attachment to material possessions or societal expectations?
• How can I be more genuine and accept who I really am, even if it's not what others want or expect from me?
• What steps can I take to develop a mindset of self-sufficiency and self-trust, instead of seeking validation from others?

Books

I want to talk about 10 interesting books to support this month’s topic.

While these books cover a variety of subjects and not just letting go, they do contain parts that explore the concept in depth.

Now, I will look at them from the perspective of letting go.

Alain De Botton

Our first book is Status Anxiety by Alain De Botton. As you can tell from the title, the book defines the concept of status anxiety and explores solutions in philosophy, art, and other fields to alleviate that anxiety. According to Alain, this anxiety arises from lovelessness, expectations, and lack of confidence. De Botton defines status anxiety as "a harmful and chronic fear that will largely consume our lives." At this point, he presents a beautiful analysis.

According to Alain De Botton, the best way to reduce anxiety is to understand it, be aware of it, and talk about it. This helps us to let go of it and overcome it.

Erick Scheurmann

Our second book is Papalagi by Erick Scheurmann. The content of the book actually belongs to the tribal leader Tuiavii. Erick simply transcribed Tuiavii's speeches.

This is the most interesting and entertaining book on the list. Although it is relatively short, it covers a wide range of topics.

Tuiavii refers to white people as "Papalagi". He talks about core subjects;

• How our society is dependent on money,
• The nature of our professions and work life,
• Whether we respect people or just their money,
• Our perception of time,
• What we understand by ownership,
• Our understanding of education.

He talks about all of this in a simple and funny way. He helps us see how many unnecessary things we have in our lives.

In simpler terms, there are many things we can live without and let go.

Alfred Adler, Don Miguel Ruiz

I will share three books that are full of anecdotes that will help us understand the circle I described in personal story (Link). The books are:

• "Understanding Human Nature" by Alfred Adler,
• "The Three Questions: How to Discover and Master the Power Within You" by Don Miguel Ruiz,
• "The Voice of Knowledge" by Don Miguel Ruiz.

These books examine;

• The societal norms that create immense pressure,
• The concept of perfection,
• How these factors impact our self-awareness and development during our growth period.

They also provide some tips to help you understand those concepts and let go of them.

Here’s a short quote from one of these books;

Guy Finley

In "The Secret of Letting Go," Guy Finley talks about the importance of letting go. He specifically focuses on the section called "Move on and Leave Yourself Behind," where he discusses the idea of leaving behind our false selves.

According to Finley, our false selves are created by thoughts that are not true and burden us with illusions. He talks about illusions like feeling useless, lacking courage, regret, and limitation. Finley suggests that by asking ourselves the right questions, we can let go of these false selves.

Henry David Thoreau

When talking about letting go, we can't forget Henry David Thoreau's book "Walden". Thoreau shows us that we need very little, both physically and mentally, and suggests that we can let go of a lot.

Thoreau talks about his experiences living a different lifestyle back then. He tells us how this life affected him, particularly in terms of how he perceived time. There's a beautiful quote from the book that captures this idea:

According to Henry David Thoreau, we can determine the worth of things by the time we invest in them.

Is it worth spending a lot of time on thoughts, situations, people, or material possessions that we don't really need? Maybe we should let go of some of these things and concentrate all our time and energy on the things we truly want.

David Burns, Haemin Sunim, Christophe Andre

I highly recommend the following three books for anyone looking to improve their mental health and well-being:

• "Feeling Good" by David Burns,
• "The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down" by Haemin Sunim,
• "Mindfulness" by Christophe Andre.

These books are packed with tips and analyses on how to leave toxic cycles and create a healthier, more balanced life. They also provide different perspectives on letting go in the bigger picture.

Each book provides valuable insights on overcoming negative thinking patterns that can hold us back. I highly recommend reading these books to gain a deeper understanding of letting go.

Movies

These films cover a range of scenarios, from leaving everything behind to start a new life, to releasing ourselves from societal judgments, perfectionism, and our own ambitions.

You may have already seen most of them. If not, I recommend you to watch them.

Either way, I will talk about them from the perspective of letting go.

The Platform

The first stop on our list may seem strange at first glance - "The Platform" movie.

The movie is set in a unique prison with 300 floors. In each room, there are openings where a meal elevator passes through the middle. The elevator starts from the first floor and goes down to the lowest floor, stopping at each floor for a while. At the beginning of its descent, the elevator is loaded with enough food to feed everyone on all floors. However, people on the upper floors eat the food so greedily that nearly half of the prison goes without food for days.

All prisoners on every floor switch positions at regular intervals. However, the hunger and greed system in the prison always remains the same.

The movie serves as a simple representation of the current world order and provides a deep analysis:

"Hunger exists because no one shares food with those who have less. Ultimately, being greedy and selfish, and not leaving anything for others, will leave both ourselves and the majority hungry."

We may not see this as clearly and openly as in the movie, but not sharing harms not only ourselves but also everyone around us. Still, we can let go of many things or share them when you have more than you need.

Minimalism

"The Platform" explores the theme of letting go from a societal perspective, while the documentary "Minimalism" tackles it on an individual level. The idea in the movie is to have only what is necessary, rather than accumulating excess.

For instance, instead of owning thirty t-shirts that you hardly wear, try limiting yourself to a few that you regularly use in your daily life. However, it's important to note that minimalism goes beyond tangible objects and encompasses more than just physical possessions.

Having a minimal perspective in every aspect of life, including the mental world, involves letting go of hundreds of things.

Burdens that I talked about are good examples for that. When you let go, you can feel the freedom. This documentary shows this perspective in a good way.

Peaceful Warrior

"Peaceful Warrior" is a sports narrative based on Dan Millman's book. It tells the story of letting go of mental clutter.

The movie explains this topic using dialogues between a young athlete and his mentor. The mentor talks about how important it is to be in the present moment and let go of thoughts that hold us back, weigh us down, or narrow our perspective. He teaches the young man many lessons in a humorous and emotional manner.

This movie made me realize the importance of living in the present. It taught me the significance of letting go of worries about the future and regrets about the past.

Burnt

I recommend the movie "Burnt" for its portrayal of perfectionism and ambition. The film tells the story of a highly ambitious and aggressive chef who is determined to earn Michelin stars. He is obsessed with perfectionism. This struggle is depicted throughout the movie until the final scene.

Eventually, Adam chooses to stop trying to be perfect and continue as he is. Adam shows how liberating it can be to release our perfectionist thinking, which is often motivated by fear. By doing this, we might find it easier to take action and solve problems in various aspects of our lives.

3 Idiots

When I think about how society judges us and how that puts pressure on us, I imagine Rancho's (Aamir Khan) face in my mind.

With Bollywood's recent popularity, I believe everyone has seen this movie. For those who are not familiar, the movie tells the story of Raju, Farhan, and Rancho during their time in university. Farhan wants to become a photographer, but his family insists that he study engineering. Raju, who comes from a very poor family, is burdened with fears and pressure to succeed. On the other hand, Rancho questions the system and thinks differently, causing everyone, including the school's dean, to change.

While Farhan and Raju explain how societal pressure and control impact us, Rancho offers a different viewpoint. He teaches us how to overcome our fears and the things that cause pressure. He leads us towards freedom and happiness.

The movie "3 Idiots" shows us a fun way to release societal judgments, control, and the chaos they cause in our minds. It also teaches us a beautiful method to break the cycle and find freedom and happiness by letting go: "All izz well.”

Dances With Wolves, Last Samurai

I want to talk about two movies: "Dances With Wolves" and "Last Samurai." Even though they are different movies, they have a similar theme of moving towards a simpler life and learning about it by letting go.

In the movie "Dances With Wolves," Lieutenant Dunbar starts living with the Lakota Sioux tribe. And in the movie "Last Samurai," Nathan Algren lives in a samurai village. Both characters learn to appreciate the simple and natural way of life. They leave behind their old lives, including the things that used to matter to them, and they feel like they have been reborn into a new world. They realize that the world and how we see life can be very different from what we are used to.

Sometimes, letting go of things can be just as intense as it was for them. Maybe it's important to completely let go of everything all at once, like they did, to grasp and value the essence of life.

Into The Wild

Speaking of taking a leap and letting go, we cannot ignore the movie "Into The Wild." Based on a true story, the film tells the story of Chris McCandless. Chris is very successful student at prestigious school. Still, after graduating from college, he leaves everything behind, including all his savings, to live alone in the wilds of Alaska.

I admire Chris for breaking free from materialism, rejecting societal rules, and embracing his freedom on the road. He truly embodies the concept of letting go. However, on the flip side, he leaves his loved ones behind without even informing them.

In the end, this act of letting go comes at a painful cost for him. The film shows two very different aspects of letting go. What I want to focus on here is the aspect of abandoning the materialistic order that underlies his actions at the beginning of his journey and experiencing his freedom, even if only for a short time.

Perhaps a short-lived freedom is better than long-term imprisonment.

Truman Show

And finally, we come to the last movie I want to share.

Imagine living in a world where everyone you know is an actor, everything you experience is a scenario, and the world you live in is just a set. Even the rising sun in the morning is artificial. It's a life completely detached from reality, an artificial life. This is the premise of "The Truman Show".

Truman is actually the star of a television program. The whole world has been watching him since the day he was born. His entire life has passed within a huge set. Until one day, he realizes that something is wrong.

Our inner world can often feel similar to Truman's world, filled with acting, artificiality, obligations, and unnatural, fear-based thoughts. We may sense that something is not right, that it is not natural.

After realizing the unnaturalness of his world, Truman starts to question. He is determined to uncover the true nature of his reality.

Truman becomes aware of the flawless acting, the fabricated systems that are far removed from reality. Those artificial things portrays the thoughts that we believe are our own. The set, much like in The Truman Show movie, is so realistic. Just like societal norms, rules, current world order. That’s why we usually lost ourselves in this taught ideals, concepts. We can’t see the difference between reality and artificial in our mind.

But, Truman chases after reality throughout the movie. Eventually, he sets sail on a sailboat. Despite all the difficulties of the journey, he reaches the limit where the sky and the sea merge, the boundary between truth and lies. Then a final dialogue takes place; the voice from the sky for Truman, and for us, the voice of our ego does everything it can to make us not leave that world.

We face an important decision at that moment:

• To hold on to the familiar, despite our discomfort,
• Or to leave everything behind and pursue the truth by passing through a door whose destination is unknown.

Truman chooses the latter and bids a final farewell before entering the door.

What about you?

Will you remain trapped within the confines of your own thoughts, fears, and pressures?

Or will you follow Truman's lead and question the reality?

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