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    “To This Day ... for the Bullied and Beautiful” by Shane Koyzcan

    Görkem Gümüştekin • public
    • 5 min read
    “To This Day ... for the Bullied and Beautiful” by Shane Koyzcan

    Table of contents

    Koyzcan's heartfelt spoken word performance addresses the lasting impact of bullying, spreading a message of resilience, self-acceptance, and kindness, reminding us of the beauty within every individual.

    For Key Ideas, Questions and Quotes from this talk, you can scroll below.

    Shane Koyzcan gave this speech at the TED Conference. All rights to the speech and the video above belong to TED.

    About Shane Koyzcan

    Shane L. Koyczan, born 22 May 1976, is a Canadian spoken word poet, writer, and member of the group Tons of Fun University. He is known for writing about issues like bullying, cancer, death, and eating disorders. He is most famous for the anti-bullying poem “To This Day” which has over 25 million views on YouTube. (Source: Wikipedia)

    Key Ideas From Talk

    Have you ever felt excluded, different, labeled, or forced to conform to certain patterns? Is there anyone among us who has never felt this way at some point in their life? Doesn't society constantly pressure us to be something, to do something?

    If all these questions, or rather their answers, bother you, Shane's speech will also be equally disturbing. At the same time, it will be just as meaningful.

    As someone who is tired of the majority's truth, the society's discourse, and the rules, I really liked Shane's perspective. Let me reflect on it with a few ideas from talk;

    1. The lasting impact of bullying: Bullying leaves deep emotional scars that can affect a person's self-esteem, confidence, and overall well-being long into adulthood. It is crucial to recognize and address the long-term consequences of bullying.
    2. The hidden struggles behind bullying: Understanding that bullies often act out of their own pain and insecurities can help foster empathy and compassion. Recognizing the underlying struggles can humanize bullies and contribute to breaking the cycle of harm.
    3. The power of words and self-expression: Words have a profound impact on individuals' self-worth and can either uplift or harm. By embracing self-expression and using words to share personal stories, healing and empowerment can be found.
    4. The importance of community and support: Building a supportive community is essential for healing from bullying. Having people who accept, understand, and uplift can help survivors navigate the challenges and overcome the negative effects of bullying.
    5. Embracing individuality and celebrating differences: Embracing and celebrating one's unique qualities and differences is a powerful way to reclaim personal identity and foster self-acceptance. It is through embracing diversity that we can create a more inclusive and compassionate society.
    6. The healing power of sharing and listening to stories: Sharing personal stories creates connections and opens up avenues for healing. By actively listening to others' stories and creating safe spaces for sharing, we can support one another and foster empathy and understanding.

    Questions to Ask Ourselves

    1. How have past experiences of bullying shaped my self-perception and self-worth?
    2. In what ways do I carry the pain of those experiences with me today, and how does it impact my daily life?
    3. What coping mechanisms or strategies have I developed to deal with the effects of bullying, and are they still serving me well?
    4. How can I nurture self-compassion and self-acceptance in the face of past wounds?
    5. Am I holding onto any resentments or negative beliefs about myself that originated from the bullying experiences? How can I begin to let go and heal?
    6. What aspects of my uniqueness and individuality do I embrace and celebrate, and how can I amplify those qualities in my life?
    7. How can I contribute to creating a more inclusive and compassionate environment for myself and others who may have experienced bullying?
    8. How can I use my own voice and story to inspire and support others who have faced similar challenges?

    Notes From Talk

    ✒️
    And at the same time we were being told what we were, we were being asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I always thought that was an unfair question. It presupposes that we can't be what we already are. We were kids.
    ✒️
    When I was 14, I was asked to seriously consider a career path. I said, "I'd like to be a writer.” And they said, "Choose something realistic.” So I said, "Professional wrestler.” And they said, "Don't be stupid.” See, they asked me what I wanted to be, then told me what not to be. And I wasn't the only one. We were being told that we somehow must become what we are not, sacrificing what we are to inherit the masquerade of what we will be. I was being told to accept the identity that others will give me.
    ✒️
    I'm not the only kid who grew up this way, surrounded by people who used to say that rhyme about sticks and stones, as if broken bones hurt more than the names we got called, and we got called them all. So we grew up believing no one would ever fall in love with us, that we'd be lonely forever, that we'd never meet someone to make us feel like the sun was something they built for us in their toolshed. So broken heartstrings bled the blues, and we tried to empty ourselves so we'd feel nothing. Don't tell me that hurts less than a broken bone, that an ingrown life is something surgeons can cut away, that there's no way for it to metastasize; it does.
    ✒️
    If you can't see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror, look a little closer, stare a little longer, because there's something inside you that made you keep trying despite everyone who told you to quit. You built a cast around your broken heart and signed it yourself, "They were wrong." Because maybe you didn't belong to a group or a clique. Maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball or everything. Maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth to show-and-tell, but never told, because how can you hold your ground if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it? You have to believe that they were wrong. They have to be wrong. Why else would we still be here?
    ✒️
    We grew up learning to cheer on the underdog because we see ourselves in them. We stem from a root planted in the belief that we are not what we were called. We are not abandoned cars stalled out and sitting empty on some highway, and if in some way we are, don't worry. We only got out to walk and get gas. We are graduating members from the class of We Made It, not the faded echoes of voices crying out, "Names will never hurt me." Of course they did. But our lives will only ever always continue to be a balancing act that has less to do with pain and more to do with beauty.

    This talk is a part of following list: "Talks That Changed My Perspective".